


constellations

by withoutwords



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Coming Out, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Once Were Teenage Friends, brief mentions of anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 21:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12466388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withoutwords/pseuds/withoutwords
Summary: For the anonymous request ‘best friends to lovers AU’.





	constellations

**Author's Note:**

> many thanks to the anon who sent the prompt this isn’t non-linear exactly, but I played along with timelines and tenses a little bit. also there’s references to canon but it’s generally alternate universe. hope you enjoy!

There’s a scratch on Aaron’s bedroom wall, chipped and rough by the old chest of drawers. It’s been there for years now, after Robert had come home from school one summer and thrown his bag across Aaron’s room. He’d been mad about something, Aaron can’t remember – a girlfriend, or his dad, or some issues with Andy in a long line of issues he had with Andy – but he remembers that they both laughed themselves stupid trying to cover it up so Aaron’s mum didn’t see.

Robert had always stayed with them on his summer holidays.

“I can’t believe you’re still in here,” Robert had teased when he’d stopped by the Woolpack one night – he liked to wear a suit and talk in jargon but he’d always want a pint and a bowl of crisps.

He’d always be the kid covered in grease and cussing at an engine.  

“Oh, shut up,” Aaron groaned, pushing at him to get through his bedroom doorway and peel off his shirt. He’d put in a hot, sweaty, ten hour day at the garage; the stench so bad he could smell it on himself. “I’d be alright if your sister hadn’t talked Adam into moving out with her.”

“What, because Adam’s your only friend?” Robert teased, smirking, falling back onto Aaron’s bed with a thump.

“And you live too far away!”

“It’s like, ten minutes, Aaron, don’t give me that.”

“Whatever, it’s fine.”

“It’s fine, is it?” Robert looked around Aaron’s tiny room – smaller than when he used to have a single bed and Robert would sleep on the floor. “What happens when you’ve got a bloke in here?”

“I don’t bring blokes here.”

“Oh, copping off in the garage are you?”

“In the caff, actually,” Aaron had bitten back, throwing his dirty t-shirt in Robert’s face and making a race for the door.

*

For Robert’s birthday, they’d ditched the village and trekked into town; Aaron, Robert, Adam and Pete and a bunch of meterosexual stiff-upper-lip types that Robert had gone to school with. They’d eaten their weight in seafood, thrown back gallons of beer, and danced their way through the Macarena, the TimeWarp, and something called a Dougie that no one actually knew how to do.

Robert was drunk, but mostly he was happy, and it had seemed so long since Aaron had seen him truly happy.

“Thanks for the present,” Robert said, grinning, he and Aaron pressed together in some ratty old booth. Aaron’s cheeks flushed, feeling stupid, remembering the dumb look on Robert’s face when he’d opened the framed photo of the two of them.

“It’s for your new place,” he muttered into his glass, but Robert just laughed and elbowed him gently in the ribs, sloshing beer.

“I know just where I’m putting it.”

“Next to that signed copy of your favourite comic book?”

“It’s a _graphic novel_ , Aaron, and no, that doesn’t go on display.”

Aaron just rolled his eyes. “Right. Why would you wanna look at something you paid so much money for?”

“Exactly. I’m glad you understand.”

“I _don’t_ understand, I just know you.”

Robert had looked at him with that soft smile so few people got to see. “Yeah,” he said, giving Aaron’s shoulder a shake. “You do.”

*

Aaron’s never been a grand planner. Even when he’d been at his lowest, his darkest, his most certain that the minute the word _gay_ slipped from his lips he’d be out on his own forever – he didn’t want to go. He never felt like he needed to leave.

Robert was different. 

Before his dad died, it was all Robert would talk about. He’d keep Aaron up at night with harebrained ideas about how the two of them could escape to London, or France, or bloody _San Francisco_. Any place Jack Sugden wouldn’t be.

Then he was gone forever, and Robert stopped talking about it. He stopped talking about a lot of things.

“You’re the only person who’s quiet,” Robert told him, sad drunk and curled up in his bed. “And I don’t mean, like, quiet, quiet, ‘cause you are, but … quiet.”

There was a pause. “What?”

“Ya don’t worry at me, or hover near me, or … try too hard. You’re just you. Why can’t everyone just be?”

“They just don’t know how, I guess.”

Aaron pushed over a little, enough that he could get a hand on Robert’s head to thread through his hair. They were like that for a while (quiet), a few distant sounds filtering through from the street.

“What’s it like having lots of family?” Robert asked softly, curling in a little more.

“It’s alright, I guess. When they’re not being mental.” He smiled at the sound of Robert’s little huff, muffled by a pillow. “Why?”

“Just – mum’s gone, dad’s gone, Vic’s mad at me and Andy never talks to me anyway, I …”

Aaron wasn’t sure what to say. Him and his mum had their problems, but it wasn’t the same for Robert. He’d fought against his dad, their family, for almost his whole life. Now there was nothing to fight for. “You’re not alone, Robert, you’ll never be alone.”

“I know. I don’t think that. I just …” Robert sighed, heavy and deep, and Aaron wasn’t brave enough to look and see if he was crying. “I hope that if I have kids they’ll have more, you know. Just … something more.”

*

Aaron’s dated a lot of blokes, but nothing seemed to stick. They’d want too much, or not enough, or they were weird in some way that everyone else thinks is just Aaron being too picky. Aaron never minded. Other than Adam and Vic, everyone he knew was single or on the brink of it anyway. What was the point of rushing into that?

Plus, Robert had always been the same, and that made less sense. Robert was good looking in a way that always seemed surreal. All that blonde hair and blue eyes and smooth, freckly skin made him seem like one of those men on the cover of his mum’s romance books. No wonder women flocked to him.

“Who is it this week?” Aaron would joke with him. “Beth? Valerie? The one from that café that serves those amazin’ scones?”

Robert wasn’t a romantic. He dated rich women, fun women, the sort of women that were looking for as much serious as he was – so, basically, none. Robert was a few years older than him, but he always made Aaron feel old. He liked the high life, he liked the party scene, he liked to get the most out of every moment like he was never given enough.

But he liked Aaron, too, and he’d always compromise.

“We can go if you want?” he told Aaron on another night, at another club. He was wearing a tie, an actual, proper tie; like this was a board meeting and not a glorified hook up spot. He smelt good and his hair was all in place and it made no sense for him to be sitting there with Aaron other than to score a free pint. 

“I’m good.”

“You look bored out’ya mind, Aaron."

“I’m just watchin’,” Aaron told him with a shrug, motioning to all their friends across the room.

“Watchin’ what? Adam try to Cha-Cha?”

“I thought it was the Zorba dance.”

They were laughing so much they almost missed the small “Hi,” that another voice said, both of them looking up to see some guy standing by their table. “I saw you sitting over here before, wasn’t sure if I should introduce myself.”

He was clearly talking to Aaron, a lopsided smile and nervous glances. But before Aaron could get a word out, Robert made a wet, scoffing noise and leaned across the tabletop. “What, so now that he’s sitting with me you think he needs company?”

“Oh, no, I mean.”

“Why don’t you do one, yeah? He’s here with friends, he’s not here for you to drool over.”

Aaron watched the poor sod run off, his mouth open in shock. “ _Robert_!”

“You can do way better than that guy.”

“That’s not the point. You can’t just talk to people like …”

“And you can’t pretend you want to make small talk with a guy who wears a Warcraft t-shirt.”

“You’re such a bastard.”

“And you love me for it,” Robert told him with a grin, getting Aaron in a headlock and dragging him out of his chair. “Let’s go back to my place and watch Bend It like Beckham for the hundredth time.”

“I hate you!”

*

Aaron’s carved his initials in a lot of places. Through town and down the line – like an afterthought, really. If he stood long enough in one place he needed something to do with his hands. Besides, if you live in the same town all your life he feels like it should be some rite of passage.

But he’s like that, a bit. Possessive.

He has a big family, he knows, a legacy that stretches across some pretty big family trees. But he didn’t choose that, so it doesn’t feel the same. Not like Adam, not like Robert. They’re his best friends, they’re his… Just _his_.

Vic had joked, “If we ever get married you know I only want one husband, right?” which had been a laugh, sure, but had also set Aaron’s anxiety through the roof. If they get married, they’ll move, and if they move they’ll have kids, and if they have kids they won’t have time for him, will they?

It took him a while to come down from that panic.

And only because Robert had talked him off the ledge.

“It’s funny how you’re the one that helps me through my abandonment issues,” Robert had said a long time later, as they passed a bottle of bourbon and a story or two for good measure.

“I’m just that good, mate.”

“Yeah, sure, and humble as hell.”

It was dark, and cooling down, and the bourbon fizzed along Aaron’s skin. He moved close enough to Robert to feel the scratch of denim and grab of cotton and he kicked a leg over too. He didn’t want to move ever again.

“Aaron.” Robert turned his head, his breath warm across Aaron’s cheek, the bottle coming to rest in Aaron’s lap. “Would you miss me like that?”

“No,” Aaron told him, covering Robert’s hand that was covering the neck and bringing it up to his mouth to take a swig. “I’d miss you more.”

“Really?” Robert asked, and it was the most broken sound that Aaron had heard, and when he turned his head Robert kissed him.

*

When Aaron was sixteen Robert helped to teach him how to drive a car. It was an old bomb over on the farm that ground so much between gears Aaron felt it up through his legs. One time Aaron got it so bogged that when Robert tried to dig it out he got covered in mud from head to toe and kept falling over when he tried to stand up.

(Aaron laughed so much that day he swore he could feel it for years.)

When Aaron was seventeen he told Robert, _I’m gay_ , like he was passing him a bomb that was about to go off. Robert only looked surprised long enough to pull Aaron to him and wrap him in a hug and whisper in his ear every promise Aaron had hoped to hear. I’m proud, I love you, I’ll always be here for you, always.

(Aaron cried so much that day he thought he had no tears left.)

When Aaron was eighteen Robert left school for the last time and came home to stay. He was at the Woolpack every other day, inviting Aaron to his flat every other weekend, and grooving a space for Aaron in everything he did. He was Aaron’s.

(Aaron believed that so much that he never worried it would change.)

When Aaron was twenty-two Robert kissed him around the back of the Woolie and told him, _I want you_ , and, _I think that’s all I’ve ever wanted_.

(Aaron didn’t do anything.)

*

Aaron knew cars like he knew the simplest things. How to walk and talk and sleep and eat. Sometimes he’d find something that would trip him up – like when the right word is on the tip of your tongue and you think and you think and you _just can’t get it_.

There’s always something to trip you up.

“Why won’t you answer your phone,” Robert demanded, barrelling into the garage. He looked a little wired, a little haggard; vulnerability that caught in Aaron’s chest thinking _, I did that, didn’t I?_

“I’m busy,” Aaron lied, ducking down under the bonnet to whack at any part of the car he could reach, helplessly.

“Busy avoiding me.”

“I’m not avoiding you.”

Robert came right up close to where Aaron was pretending to work, hands curled around in a way that said they’d done it so many times before. Aaron had always loved getting Robert in here, watching the effortless way he did things. “I kissed you and you walked away, Aaron, I’d say that’s pretty much avoiding.”

“What do you want me to say?” Aaron snapped defensively, backing off and backing up, crashing into a shelf behind him. “Ta for telling me you like me.”

“I don’t like you, idiot, I _love_ ya!”

The sound of it echoed all around them and Aaron had to cover his eyes in the face of it. “Jesus.”

“I’m not trying to pressure you here, Aaron,” Robert went on, softer now. He didn’t move any closer, he didn’t try to reach out – and that in itself was too much. They had never been so far apart that they had to reach out to the other. It had always been the two of them. “Tell me you don’t feel the same and I’ll drop it. We won’t talk about it again.”

Aaron still didn’t look. He still didn’t talk or move or do anything that was going to eventually send everything toppling over.  “Well?” Robert said, and, “Aaron,” and “Just say something,” and “Please,” and Aaron eventually caved.

“Of course I fuckin’ love ya!” he shouted, stepping in. “Of course I’m in love with ya, but, but,”

“But what? Can’t it be that simple?”

“No! I came out to you five years ago, Robert, where were you then?”

“That’s not - ” Robert tried to cut in, but Aaron was too worked up to let him.

“You’ve known that I … for five years, and you never said anything about yourself, you never - ”

“I didn’t know what I was feeling, okay?” Robert conceded, and he was drifting over to the wall and slowly sliding down to sit on the floor. Aaron just watched him, watched him bring his knees up, watched him play with a cuff, watched him suddenly bare it all like he was confessing sins. “With school, and dad dying, and all this endless bollocks with Andy I didn’t want to think about how I felt and how it could ruin the only good thing in my life. Maybe you liked me back, but what if you didn’t? I would be actually, properly alone, and nothing, and no-one could make it better.”

Slowly, Aaron went to sit next to him. He took the hand that was nervously fiddling and stretched his own across it, entwining their fingers. The sound of Robert’s breath was almost too much.

“You got anything else you’ve been hiding from me?”

“No,” Robert said with a small smile, his eyes watching Aaron’s mouth where his teeth bit into his bottom lip. “I think that’s it.”

“You wanna kiss me again?”

“Do you want me to want to kiss you again?”

“I want you,” Aaron said, repeating Robert’s words back to him, and curling his mouth to Roberts, opening his mouth for Robert, welcoming him in.

Welcoming anything.

* 

Robert bought Aaron Glow-In-The-Dark stars as a gag gift one year, sticking them in all the places he couldn’t see them. Under the bed and on the side of the desk and inside the cupboard door near the top. He even found them on the spine of the books that Robert had turned inward when he was rearranging.

(“What’s the point?” Aaron had asked, frustrated, throwing a star at Robert that had been on the dog’s collar.

“I’m giving you the universe.”

“Right, so it’s not Where’s Wally, it’s Where’s The Milky Way.”

Robert let out a bright, and beautiful laugh and threw the star back again. “No, it’s ... it's daft. I just ... I want you to find them and stick them on your ceiling, and when I get back we can look at them together. Then I know ... you know."

_That you haven't forgotten me._

"I will.")

"I can't believe those things still work," Robert says, now, the two of them tangled in Aaron's too small bed. Robert's circling patterns on Aaron back with soft fingertips, and Aaron's pressing his mouth to Robert's chest, his ribs, and maybe they'll never leave this bed, or this room, or this universe.

"I can't believe we just had sex under the stars."

"I thought you didn't bring blokes in here?"

"You're different."

"Damn it," Robert says, but he's grinning, and he's pulling Aaron in close, wrapping his legs around him. "I thought I'd be getting a shag at the caff."


End file.
